Like any relationship in life, it’s important to take time to consider whether one’s connection to money is healthy. Though money may be represented by simple pieces of paper, the value comes from our society’s universal agreement - a social contract acknowledged by most - that the right quantity can purchase almost anything. With money you have the power to purchase simple physical goods such as a bagel or a chair. Over time, our culture has shifted from just purchasing items of value to wondering if money can buy experiences of value that simulate, or even cause, happiness. If the proper utility of money is to buy me food when I’m hungry, it’s natural to ask the question: Is it possible that money has the ability to purchase any sensation I value? Can money provide me with not only a full belly but also a full heart?
Many of you are probably familiar with Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, which is a psychological theory about human motivation. In summary, the concept states that if a human wishes to attain self-actualization, which is the realization of one’s full potential, each stage of this hierarchy must be satisfied. Maslow believed our efforts would focus on physiological needs first. Our motivations and behaviors will center around our successes or failures in acquisition of food, water, warmth, rest, security, and safety. Once these needs are met, our motivations and behaviors will turn to the next level in the hierarchy, focusing on psychological needs such as the need for intimate relationships that provide a sense of belonging and love. We then move to a need for prestige, acknowledgement from peers, and the feeling of accomplishment. Once the needs of this level are satisfied, attention turns to the final need: becoming the best possible version of yourself in a way that helps you and your fellow man. Whether you agree with Maslow’s theory or not, most of us accept that money is needed to solve our initial, most basic needs. It would follow, then, that we are tempted to see wealth as a potential solution to our psychological needs and as a path toward self-fulfillment.
This is the root of the age-old idea: “If I just had more money, I would be happy.”
At this point, a transfer of value has occurred. Rather than seeing our intrinsic value as coming from our unique creative expression, how we conduct relationships with others, the fact that we exist, or by finding self-respect through self-discipline, we begin to perceive that the value is no longer in us but in what we hold, and specifically how much of it we hold.
At the end of the day, we buy into the illusion that there’s always more we could have, greater status to attain, and more control over the future with each dollar we earn. When we shift from meeting psychological needs internally to attempting fulfillment by external dependence on wealth, we’re trying to fill a bucket with a substantial hole in the bottom.
How You See and Spend Time:
We don’t often say this out loud, but many of us run through a litany of justifications like this:
“I want to reach my potential. I don’t want to squander away opportunities before me. If I have the ability to earn more or gain a promotion, I should do it, regardless of the time and mental demands it requires.”
When people think of “meeting potential”, it’s often in terms of what they can accomplish in career accolades or how much financial success they can attain. But by investing in relationships rather than focusing all of our attention on the pursuit of promotion and the accumulation of things, we develop a feedback loop that can only happen when you have a relationship with someone.
We experience this in our lives all the time. For example, recently my 5-year-old son walked into my room while I was typing an email on my phone and said, “Dad, can you play baseball with me outside?” He asked sweetly, which grabbed my attention, so I responded that I would as soon as I was finished. After he waited five minutes, which is a century for my 5-year-old and really an impressive display of patience for him, he came back in and asked if I was coming. I realized I was putting off my son for something that seemed urgent, but in the grand scheme of things was absolutely pointless and unimportant. I put the phone down and went outside to play with him that afternoon, and I’m thankful I did. We never regret when we give our time to God, family, and helping others, but it’s difficult for us to set aside our own ambitions so we can see that the path to self-actualization is right in front of our faces. As we were driving to school a couple of days later, my son, who can be very sensitive, shared that he didn’t feel like I played with him. When I asked him to elaborate, he said, “Well, I asked you to play baseball, but you didn’t come because you were on your phone.” I responded, “I love playing with you, and I put my phone down so that we could hang out.” To which he said, “Right, but you didn’t come when I asked. I feel like you’re always on your phone working.” If you'd asked me how I'd handled his asking me to play baseball, I would’ve thought that by saying yes, I was being a thoughtful Dad. However, what I missed was how a 5-year-old experienced that situation. Though I said yes, in his mind I really said “Let me finish what is most important to me on my phone, and then I’ll come play with you.” In his eyes, at that moment, he didn’t feel like a priority to me. It was a dagger to the heart, and I share this moment I’m not proud of to make the point more concrete.
I love when the unfiltered truth from a brave 5-year old child pierces through the lies we tell ourselves: the lie that I needed to send that email right then; the lie that I need to be "productive" personally and professionally, all the time, in order to meet my full potential. No, the truth is I - and many of us - have fallen for the marketing of our culture that tells us our time should be spent image-building, empire-building, and reviewing/comparing/competing.
I read a book a few years ago called When The Game is Over, It All Goes Back in the Box by John Ortberg. The book is about everything I’ve discussed here, but I think the title alone is a healthy reminder and a perspective worth noting. It’s a challenge and obviously requires balance as we all have jobs to do, and we want to do them well. In reflection, always remind yourself of this: do not waste your time on vanity. Give yourself to others and the fulfillment you’ll receive will be more than the world could ever give.
How You See and Spend Money:
A $5 cup of coffee every other day would be equal to $370,754 if the money was invested at 7% over 50 years. I don’t say that to judge those of us who frequent coffee shops. My point is that what we consider small discretionary expenses are actually worth far more than we may realize. I’m not suggesting that we should feel guilty when we buy something nice for ourselves. What I do believe is that it's prudent to be aware of stewardship and opportunity-cost when making purchases. In many instances, when people have excess, they become less thoughtful, aware, and conscious of their spending. Always maintain a healthy level of awareness and question the wisdom of your purchases, no matter how much money you make.
So what’s the point in making money?
The widely cited study conducted by Princeton University in 2010 states that well-being and happiness increases as you make more money, but that the level of happiness and satisfaction plateaus after income exceeds $75,000. Obviously, money is helpful in meeting our physical needs, and levels of happiness and satisfaction will decline if basic physical needs aren’t being met. However, the study is evidence that income beyond what is typically needed for a comfortable lifestyle does not help in our efforts to satisfy Maslow’s hierarchy of needs and bring self-actualization.
This doesn’t mean that someone cannot achieve self-fulfillment if they have loads of money. It boils down to an awareness of what does and does not ultimately satisfy your psychological needs. If I realize a relationship can thrive on its own without being influenced by wealth, that there’s a commitment to the relationship regardless of the material context, then I can find satisfaction in knowing that the approval I receive is because of my intrinsic value rather than my perceived extrinsic value. In this way, we gain authentic experiences that acknowledge personal value.
It’s right to say that money has power in our system. It can save lives. It can serve the physical needs of others who have yet to move beyond the very first level of the hierarchy, which is precisely why it’s important to assess and carefully consider how we use our money. Each dollar can compound, both in the form of immediate giving that could change the trajectory of a person’s life and in the form of a compounding investment intended to have a larger financial impact in the future. So I encourage us all to carefully consider our relationship with money and what kind of tool it is in our hands before we earn it and spend it in a fallacious search for meaning.
When we deny the temptation to satisfy our psychological needs with "stuff" and status-chasing, we can accelerate the point of financial independence and therefore our ability to help the world around us. Imagine a point where your savings can sufficiently fund a lifetime of basic needs - not just your own, but others' needs as well. Imagine working because you choose to but not because you need to. Imagine what it would be like if you could slow down and you had the time to see and develop what matters most. Or a day when your kid doesn’t have to ask if you want to play because you normally beat them to the question.
Full Transparency:
If you’re reading this and you’re a client, my concern is less about whether you fully understand the nuances of the tax code or financial strategies of the wealthy. My main concern is your sense of fulfillment. As I see it, my job is simple: I alleviate the worry and stress a person has about the money they may need to support themselves now and in the future by creating a financial plan. I want to help my clients find freedom and time to pursue the healthiest form of themselves without financial stress. It's important to me that I develop a framework that promotes using skills, gifts, and discretionary income to help others, and I believe this will ultimately fuel purpose, mission, responsibility, and contentment in the life of every client. At times we can all forget this, and my hope is that this essay can serve as a reminder to both you and to me.
Let this be a challenge to us all to be thoughtful about the use of our time and money, keeping in perspective that the path toward self-fulfillment can't be found in how much we accumulate of either, but by how we relate to and spend them.